This site is dedicated to the memory of Steven C. MacNaught
February 7, 1967 - April 12, 2008

On August 28^th 1995, I met a handsome 28 year old man named Steven MacNaught who was living in a small, dark and dreary basement apartment.  Steve was fighting Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) and was in constant pain.  If the pain didn’t keep him immobilized, the nausea and a myriad of other side effects of his medications kept him miserably ill. But beneath the pain and sickness I saw a young man full of love, life and passion.  A man who loved all living things especially the great outdoors and open spaces that a devastating illness like AS could prevent him from truly experiencing.  I began to fall in love with Steve on our second date and that love continued to grow with every passing day. 

Early in our relationship, we would walk and talk.  Steve would walk until I couldn’t go on any more, and then we would talk.  Talk about everything from being gay, to love, life, family, our wants and desires, Steve’s illness and any other topic that might emerge on any given evening.  After these long walks, Steve would typically be chair or bed ridden for several days due to the pain of the AS.  On several occasions I can remember carrying him up the steps because he was in too much pain to make it to the dinner table on his own. 

As better medications were developed, and more specialized physicians consulted, Steve and I were able to do much more of what he enjoyed such as hiking, camping and road trips.  Steve became more confident with both himself and our relationship.  Steve also grew much closer to his own family, although I can’t think of anyone who might have gotten him to admit it. 

I don’t want to try and write out our entire history together.  Hopefully the picture albums will show most of the good times.  Keep in mind however that Steve would often find beauty in a simple mushroom on a path, or a flower in a field, so there are many photo’s without people in them. 

Over the years, we two become as one even though we didn’t always agree on everything and on occasion even stood on opposite sides of the proverbial fence.  I believe that the love that Steve and I had for each other interweaved throughout our entire beings. 

April 12^th 2008. How can I describe the wrenching away of my body and soul when I saw the life and the light leave Steve’s eyes?  I have a hole, a chasm in my chest that is completely empty, void, bottomless and unfillable.  This must be where Steve’s love resided, keeping me warm, happy and secure. It grew there slowly, quietly over the years and caused me to become very content with my life. 

Our time together was far too short.  Steve was healthier than he had ever been since the first day I met him.  We had so many things planned to include retirement in 2010. I truly believe that from 2005 forward Steve was happier, healthier, and more satisfied with his life than he had ever been before.  I could see it in his eyes, his mannerisms and his glowing self confidence.  I was so proud of him; I was so in love with him. 

Now I look around his home and see little things that I never noticed before, and I cry because I can’t ask him about them.  I told Steve every day of our lives together that I loved him.  I still tell him, first thing every morning, how much I love him, and how terribly I miss him, and then I cry and hug his puppies, Wyatt & Kaeli. 

A long time ago Steve asked me to promise to spread his ashes over Yellowstone.  I made that promise.  I’m sorry I made that promise.  Sorry due to my own selfishness because I am finding it hard to imagine that I must part with his mortal remains, but I will keep my promise, I love him too much not to. 

Steve, when I think of you I can't help but see all the years we shared together and how much they meant to me.  The countless joys and endless smiles you brought into my life.  You made my dreams come true.  I will love you forever, thank you for loving me....Vic